It’s always been a constant struggle in my life of what do I want?
Some days I am completely certain and other days I can spend hours envying over my friends and what they have accomplished. Sometimes, not even my friends- complete strangers.
Growing up I believed by the age of 25 I would have been in a committed relationship and on the road to marriage. Now that I am approaching 25 I feel like I have not accomplished a fraction of what my 7 year old imagination had planned. For the past 2 years I had been fighting to keep a relationship that I am not sure I even wanted. I was in love and there is no denying that, but I had such a desire to grow in other aspects of my life then just being a partner in my relationship. It’s not that I wanted to be free from this to pursue other people, but mainly that there comes a point where you realize your differences are too great, and sadly you both have a different idea of the bigger picture. After 8 years of dating things came to an end. My 7 year old self was traumatized that I wasn’t going to live out my imaginary tale of marrying my high school boyfriend, and that 25 is too young to be married (for me).
It has taken me about 7 months of fighting that inner child and letting go of her dreams to see that what I really want is yet to come. The most powerful thing I have learned from this experience is I have to be scared. At first I tried to replace what I had with dating other people to give myself a sense of security, but the problem is when you love someone for that long.. It’s hard to just pretend like something is real when in reality you know the real deal.
So that leaves us at today. Which I am still dreading 25 , but I also realize there are so many opportunities left out there for me, and I need to exit my comfort zone. I consider myself to have a serious case of anti-social. It’s not because I don’t like people (it actually is atleast 50%) but also because I don’t do small talk. Even when I try it seems so forced and not genuine, and my biggest problem is I hate attention.
Which leaves me to why I am so afraid of not succeeding at the dream jobs I desire.
I look at the women I admire, and they seem so fearless, witty, and relatable. Women such as Lena Dunham and Shonda Rhimes who are show runners, writers, and actors (not Shonda) to such quality television makes me proud as a woman, but insecure at my own abilities as a writer. Can I do more then just day dream about that Emmy? That Globe?
Truthfully, the only way to be successful is by fear. Fear that you won’t succeed, but keep trying and fighting to will only help you push yourself to those boundaries. I don’t think great story telling can come from all Sunny Days. You have to live and feel pain too, and I was fortunate enough to experience love. Now I get the opportunity to experience living without it, and being able to be fearful, vulnerable, and alone which will only help me expand & understand my writing.
The journey of life continues, ride out the pain, and the beauty of life is even if you feel like you’re dying.. that heart keeps beating just the same.
I know there are very few ladies out there that enjoy being single. I also know plenty that are wild and happy singles, but in reality Why else would we go out? Yeah, of course we love our lady friends and girl time, but we all still have the hopes of meeting someone interesting too. Some of us suffer from lilly padding from one serious thing to the next. Which brings me to if you’re newly single enjoy being a ME when the opportunity is there.
As someone who is a lillypad hopper… I realized after my break up I didn’t even know what I wanted because what I thought I wanted wasn’t my reality anymore. Now that I’ve been single for 6 months I can’t really imagine giving it up that easily.
1. I REALLY love my friends.
It’s very common to ignore your friends once you meet someone new because it does take a lot of time and effort in a fresh relationship. I love hanging out with my friends and at this point I can’t split my time.
2. You were probably more interesting until I got to know you.
Having a casual conversation and covering the bases on the surface of their life he/she might seem great. But after a month I’m going to realize you aren’t as cool and interesting as I thought you would be… It’s like when you read the back of a book and get so excited upon purchase then it has no development and sucky ending. (Don’t online date)
3. I’m not really interested in our friends meeting.
There is always a birthday party that they are invited to and you’re the plus one. Everyone knows each other and then I come off as the anti-social bitch. Suffering from social anxiety and large groups of strangers.. I need a freaking roofie please.
4. Not really into seeing your place.
This goes both ways. Many people that I know that find living habits the deal breaker. Mine is always roommates. I understand the cost of living is a struggle. However, you having roommates is equivalent to living at home. It feels like being 18 again tip toeing into your place. I’m a grown woman if I want to tap dance in my heels at 3 am on your hardwoods and not worry about waking up Sally. I also trip and run into walls frequently. Not suited for a quiet environment.
5. Work issues.
I work in a film industry my schedule isn’t super flexible so if you’re available for lunch on a Tuesday… I probably will never have time for you. Work sometimes isn’t what drives people, but for some of us it’s priority #1.
6. I don’t want a nickname.
Seriously, don’t call me baby. Hi – I am Sarah.
7. Need my alone time.
I talk to myself daily. It gets weird when other people are around while you are trying to have a conversation with yourself (Mainly, I talk to myself because my thoughts are so scattered that saying it out loud makes me focus on one topic). Sometimes it’s necessary to just hang out with your best friend – Yourself! Because if you can’t be alone with you, chances are no one else is going to enjoy one on one company either.
I don’t mean to come off bitter or bashing on relationships. My friend’s currently in relationships/married are amazing, and I fall under the spell of being super envious. My point is to embrace the time you have alone because we can get caught up in the idea of being in a committed relationship, and settle for something we truly do not want. No matter what your stance is on relationships – THEY ARE WORK! It’s like the stairmaster, it doesn’t matter if you are on level 1 you will break a sweat. So spend time stretching and breathing before you dive in deep.
Don’t sell yourself cheap… breathe, relax, and have fun!
Patience is a virtue which most of us do not possess.
Written by: Ordinary Lady Sarah
I have given up on being original and accepted I’m an extra dose of ordinary.
Consider myself a creator of false worlds working on the TV show Revenge in the Set Decorating Department.
There will never come a time in my life where I believe women shouldn’t be helping women.
Started blogging because being opinionated on my facebook status was getting old.
Growing up I was terrible at lying to my mother. Mainly because I do not have that great of a poker face and I never really understood why someone would waste their energy lying. This doesn’t even just apply to relationships! Think about the students who lied about why they couldn’t finish their homework or take the test that day. Now in adult life there always seems to be people lying to cover up what they did wrong, why it couldn’t be done, and who is really to blame. Sometime, even our closest relationships lie to us, friends and family included. Is it really that hard to just say….
“Hey, I did this wrong. Won’t happen again.”
“Sorry, I know we had plans but I just don’t want to go out.”
“Yes, I am at a bar even though I told you I was asleep. Whoops.”
These are the different type of liars I have encountered. Can you relate?
The Fact Checker:
These are the people that you have to know their coordinates on the map the moment that they lied before they will even begin to admit their guilt. Fact checkers are the most stubborn and probably the hardest to get the truth out of. My suggestion is always come with the facts before you even try to tackle that beast. If you try to fib your way through just a portion of what you think happened, they will hold onto that one error and you lose all credibility. There is no way they are admitting anything to you until you present them with the correct evidence.
** I think if you dated someone like this and the relationship is now over. Be thankful, because having to collect the data to bust them just isn’t worth it for the long haul. You don’t want to spend your life like a LAW & ORDER interrogation room.**
These are the people that you confront them with the lie, and they just say nothing. They have no reason or excuse they just go completely silent. I don’t really know how you can begin to get these people to tell you the truth. The way they see it
Hear no evil, See no evil, Speak no evil. If you’re having a one sided conversation there is no point in wasting your energy on a dead end.
** I think this is more common with text messages/social media/online dating then face to face. However, I have had a few friends who I say something about the flaw in their version of a story, and there is a long pause and followed up by a shrug. Can’t win. **
The Long Story That Never Makes Sense: (always involves a disaster)
This seems to be the go to for most women. We think the longer the story the more truthful it sounds. No. Just NO!
It’s always involving something with work, animals, cars, or sickness. All of these disaster happen back to back in a 30 minute time frame so that’s why they can’t get coffee with you even though you’ve been at starbucks for 15 minutes waiting on them.
** At my first job a girl asked me to cover her shift because she stayed up all night studying, then her car was broken into, and her cat was throwing up so she had to take it to the vet. Newsflash, just say “Hey, can you cover me”. **
There is always someone throwing it back at you when you confront them about a lie. It’s all of sudden reverse psychology. What they did wrong wasn’t apparently wrong until you found out about it and called them out. Because that makes sense?
** This is like a guys GO TO for covering up their own lies. I dated this guy who told me he was going to a concert with his friends from work. Apparently, his phone “died” but lucky for me I peeked over to an Instagram page and there my boyfriend was sitting at a concert with another girl in his lap. However, I am the crazy one for finding it on his coworkers Instagram. It’s not crazy if you’re right. It can’t be that challenging to be a good guy, but I’m the crazy one. **
I Lied Because I Had To:
There are people out there that truly believe they can’t tell you the truth because maybe you can’t handle it? maybe you will over react? maybe you will not be understanding to what happened? Regardless of the reason you did something wrong, and you just have to accept that and be honest. The rest is out of your hands to how they react!
** Growing up this was probably everyones favorite excuse for a lie to their parents. When I was a junior in Highschool my spanish 3 teacher had such a thick accent literally everything she said in english sounded like spanish. I never knew what the hell was going on. When we got our grades for the semester it was no surprise I had 48 in the class. Trying to hide this from my mom was not the best idea, because she was going to find out when I had to take summer school. However, I just believed I had to lie to her because she wouldn’t understand and over react. The longer I waited the worst it got. I didn’t have my car most of my junior year.”***
My thoughts on Lying?
It just seems exhausting having to remember all of your lies and who you told what to. Maybe for some people it’s not? I just know it has to be really exhausting to pretend to be someone you’re not or doing something you didn’t or did do and having to keep track of those lies. It’s okay to hurt people’s feelings because that is LIFE! In the end I say it’s better to tell the truth even if it sucks the big one. You will be a better person because of it and people will be able to appreciate your honesty.
Honest people are a dying breed.
Ordinary Lady Sarah
I have given up on being original and accepted I’m an extra dose of ordinary. Consider myself a creator of false worlds working on the TV show Revenge in the Set Decorating Department. There will never come a time in my life where I believe women shouldn’t be helping women. Started blogging because being opinionated on my facebook status was getting old.