Desensitized by Instant Gratification.

We are living in a world where we get instant gratification from pretty much everything we do. Well, except if you need to see a doctor that tends to be two weeks. The reality is though we own these little devices that give us the tools to connect to everything instantly. There are times they fail us and we go into a panic because we are momentarily cut off from the accessibility. My beliefs that since we are able to connect in seconds with the world we lose the ability to care about it. We are so desensitized from the ability to desire anything. Instead of desire we are met with anxiety when things don’t happen instantly, and this anxiety has a snowball effect into damaging us.

It’s pretty evident from most of my past blogs the one thing I talk about most is human relationships. They’re fundamental part of our being because we are built to love and share it with another (unless you’re a sociopath- stop reading now). The complications that break these bonds are our own desires to be in the ‘know’ about everything which all started because we unlocked a box to a world where we can share and access personal information. Once we start to eliminate that access  people begin to get a ‘false trust’ about you as a person.

Being a girl, and having friends who date the first thing that tends to happen in their relationships:
“What is your instagram, facebook, snapchat, linkedin.. Oh you got myspace let me know what you were like at 15”
surprisingly enough if these app’s do not exist for them the next question to follow is “But how will I ever know what they are doing?”

This seems like it could definitely categorize people into stalkers, but in reality this anxiety of not knowing is generated by many people. We lost the interest in conversation of asking someone who they are and to share their stories. I know the saying a picture can tell a thousand words, but it can also tell a thousand lies. It is nearly impossible to base someones character off of a posting! Sadly, it becomes such an obsessive vicious cycle of digging for some people that they lose out on the opportunity to ever get to know someone. Which leads me to the next part about texting.

Texting is such a funny thing to kind of wrap your head around (if you’re at least at and age where you remember it didn’t exist). The positive side is if you are in fact in an emergency you are able to connect with someone instantly (1% of us probably have actually called 911 lets be real ). We are a generation of respond to me now! We get so offended and hurt as if it was a personal attack on us that we didn’t get texted back. The famous lines thrown out are  “It take 2 seconds out of your day to just reply” or “I know you were on your phone.”  That is what is so dangerous about texting is we have the ability to share a momentary irrational feeling with someone in a second. We don’t take the time to just breathe and allow people to get back to us when they want to. What is really wrong with that?

I think people need to be able to compare things to rationalize the reality of texting. Just think of a scenario where you texted a friend and forgot to text them back or your parents? However, you take these things as a personal attack on you or come up with ideas of why someone might not be trying to respond to you right away. Learn to breathe and let people breathe. Learn to capture your anxieties and make logical sense of them because we you don’t you become destructive.

7 things I learned in 7 months

In this nonstop revolving door we call life… I have learned a few life lessons during a “self discovery” process which most of us can relate to. If you haven’t hit that point then maybe you’re in luck here are 7 things I have learned.

  1. It’s not that easy to bulk up at the gym.
    Mindy
    I hate working out. I know there are people who claim they hate it too, but go anyways. I have never been that type of person. I feel like owning a gym membership is not being true to my authentic self. However, I did wake up one morning and felt as if I was staring at a different girl. I always joke that I don’t want to BULK UP or be a muscle lady. After 2 months of dieting and exercising it’s safe to say… Bulking up is actually a project that takes time and you have to REALLY want it. So if you just work out and eat a good meal ya lose weight it’s actually not rocket science. What I will say is this DO NOT WORK OUT if you are happy with yourself. It’s seriously the worst and once I get my results chances are high I might just work myself back to that unrecognizable girl.
  2. Worrying about money doesn’t help you save money
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    Everyone is always talking about student loans, car loans, rent, and the list can go on and on. I worry about those things too, and live my life trying to pay off my credit card debts. Which isn’t that scary, but compared to my income + rent in Marina Del Rey sometimes those bills make my future look bleak. The truth is if you keep stressing over this it doesn’t actually make you save money. Worry a little less and once you pay that credit card bill book a freaking ticket to London. Life is too short to not see London.
  3. Making deadlines for yourself isn’t going to ensure a better future
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    Growing up we all thought after high school I will be 18 in college get my degree by 21 … married by 23 and making at least 100,000 by 25. Actually, NO. Then we start pushing those deadlines back to married at 25 and by 27 I will have my dream job and first kid before 30. Just forget it. Throw those deadlines out the window because you are only setting yourself up for failure. Yes, maybe some people’s lives work that way, but generally your time will come when it comes. From what I hear (from those old folks) most of the time you realize later that the life given instead of what you expected is way more fabulous.
  4. Not everyday has to be a rainy one
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    Life can be a beast. It’s easy to get caught up in the nasty world, and what people are doing to each other, or even personal relationships. Negativity is a vicious cycle and the only way to stop it will be to STOP YOURSELF. Don’t indulge in the bad. Allow yourself  to laugh and smile. It actually is the best medicine.
  5. With that said – You have to experience PAIN
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    You never appreciate the pain until it’s over. There are vast amount of life lessons you can learn going through a hard time. I also believe pain allows you to be ambitious. If a tragedy happens in your life I know the first instinct is to fix it, but be true to yourself and allow the hurt. You will be a better person for it.
  6. Don’t be afraid to change your mind
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    This seems to be something that goes on generation to generation. Whether it be political reasons, loyalty to friend or family, or even as something as simple as changing your degree. DON’T BE SCARED. If you live your life right, and meet new people who change your mind about things – That is acceptable. Don’t feel trapped to have the same opinions or beliefs you had 10 years ago. What good would it do to be a fixed person? We should always be evolving and changing.
  7. It’s not important for you to like me- It’s important that I like me.
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    Aside from everything else this is key. I have battled with comparing myself to other people whether it be how successful they have been at work, getting married, having a better body then me, or being envious at the opportunity to travel the world. It’s extremely hard to not compare your life to your peers or even your enemies. It takes courage to be confident in what you’re doing, and allow yourself to work hard, also DREAM BIG to get what you want. It seems most of us are so eager to please other people because we base the opinions of ourselves on how they view us. When in reality people make mistakes (when they do) , that will effect the opinion of yourself. Leaving you shattered because you forgot to be your own #1 fan.

My Anxieties Have Anxieties

I have piles of anxiety…. That range from irrational fears, processed food, and it gets severe when people use 10 or more hashtags. It all sounds very silly to people who don’t suffer from anxiety, but for the rest of us…
Sometimes the world is a hard place to feel all  these emotions.

Here are 7  tips I use to fight those inner demons.

 

  1. Always stay rational & logical.
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    Anyone who suffers from anxiety probably knows….if we have a problem occur our mind instantly jumps to the worst case scenario **WE DON’T KNOW WHY- IT JUST DOES**. The heart rate excels and we are completely unable to rationalize a solution. These can  be small problems that happen at work and you carry it with you into the night . Relax, grab ahold of your imagination because the worst case scenario is there will some kind of consequence, but chances of you dying are slim.

 

  1. Trust yourself.
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    The only person who can calm you down [generally] is yourself. Talk to yourself. Reassure YOU that it’s okay, and try to relax. I find talking yourself through the situation  sometimes helps ease your mind. Just make sure you are still using the rational thinking when you play out these scenarios.

 

  1. If you can’t do #1 or #2 from above.. Phone a friend
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    I know there have been times things come up in my life that I can’t actually use my brain to rationalize my greatest fears, because I am too emotionally invested. It’s good to have a calm and logical person to help you during these situations.
    When dealing with personal relationships like friends, family, or dating you need someone from the outside looking into help you see what you can not.

 

  1. Don’t loose sleep!
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    This is probably the hardest challenge for people with anxiety to separate their day to day life and shut down into sleep mode. For me , I play things in a loop. I relive moments of the day that caused anxiety or I  worry that I forgot to fill out some type of paperwork. Sometimes even just looking at websites before bed keep my mind circulating that falling into the black hole of sleep is no longer an option. What I realized is you have to cut yourself off from things that cause your brain to keep going.
    TV, Internet, Phone, Computer- technology delivers unexpected surprises. 

 

  1. Airplane Mode is your best friend.
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    I have a problem with my phone being the rectangular device of  death to my anxiety driven agony. I could be reading Huffington Post Article #WhyIstayed and replay all the awful things that women endured. Or even when you get a late night email saying “urgent” and you allow yourself to get anxiety about problems you can’t fix.
    About 2 – 3 hours before bed I try and switch my phone to airplane mode. Since owning a real clock or alarm clock isn’t apart of my lifestyle. I use my phone to tell time and wake me up in the morning
    (which if I am being honest.. I wake up in a panic thinking I didn’t set my alarm or I can’t find my phone through the 5 layers of covers).
    The thing about phones today is everything is at our finger tips, but now we have an option to shut down our social media lives it’s called AIRPLANE MODE.

 

  1. Avoid Caffeine after 3pm
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    I use to be one of those ladies who had 3 cups of coffee a day because I was feeling “lethargic” and couldn’t function. I realized that having any type of caffeine after 3 pm (if you go to bed around 9 – 10) doesn’t really allow the body time to get it out of your system. I would be tossing and turning all night with my over active imagination which lead to paranoia all because I was drinking too much caffeine.
    If you’re an anxious person – limit yourself!

 

  1. Practice Breathing
    kWIG

    People around me have always talked about the “Power of taking a DEEP breathe” before you have to deal with conflict. Never really bought into it until I realized when I get anxious it’s almost like I’m holding my breath. My heart rate progressively goes up, and I allow  myself to be completely submerged. It’s so important when you feel that wave of anxiety come over to just allow yourself to stop and inhale a big one, and then let it out.
    However, sometimes there are things that effect me so badly, it feels like I could pass out or get sick.
    I just try to imagine nothing and concentrate on my breathing to relax my brain.

 

People my whole life have always said I have an over  active imagination. Which has helped me with story telling but in my personal life has almost ruined me. It’s hard to be around people who are anxious because we seem to be overly dramatic about situations, but to us we actually feel as crazy as we sound. For most it can be frustrating to deal with us, but it’s also frustrating knowing we have to really work to control the inner storm brewing inside of us.

If you have anxiety issues – well we are all fighting that private battle, and know you’re not alone.

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Written by:
Ordinary Lady Sarah. 
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I have given up on being original and accepted I’m an extra dose of ordinary. Consider myself a creator of false worlds working on the TV show Revenge in the Set Decorating Department. There will never come a time in my life where I believe women shouldn’t be helping women. Started blogging because being opinionated on my facebook status was getting old. 

There is NO comfort in my zone

It’s always been a constant struggle in my life of what do I want?

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Some days I am completely certain and other days I can spend hours envying over my friends and what they have accomplished. Sometimes, not even my friends- complete strangers.

Growing up I believed by the age of 25 I would have been in a committed relationship and on the road to marriage. Now that I am approaching 25 I feel like I have not accomplished a fraction of what my 7 year old imagination had planned. For the past 2 years I had been fighting to keep a relationship that I am not sure I even wanted. I was in love and there is no denying that, but I had such a desire to grow in other aspects of my life then just being a partner in my relationship. It’s not that I wanted to be free from this to pursue other people, but mainly that there comes a point where you realize your differences are too great, and sadly you both have a different idea of the bigger picture. After 8 years of dating things came to an end. My 7 year old self was traumatized that I wasn’t going to live out my imaginary tale of marrying my high school boyfriend, and that 25 is too young to be married (for me).

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It has taken me about 7 months of fighting that inner child and letting go of her dreams to see that what I really want is yet to come. The most powerful thing I have learned from this experience is I have to be scared. At first I tried to replace what I had with dating other people to give myself a sense of security, but the problem is when you love someone for that long.. It’s hard to just pretend like something is real when in reality you know the real deal.

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So that leaves us at today. Which I am still dreading 25 , but I also realize there are so many opportunities left out there for me, and I need to exit my comfort zone. I consider myself to have a serious case of anti-social. It’s not because I don’t like people (it actually is atleast 50%) but also because I don’t do small talk. Even when I try it seems so forced and not genuine, and my biggest problem is I hate attention.

 

Which leaves me to why I am so afraid of not succeeding at the dream jobs I desire.

I look at the women I admire, and they seem so fearless, witty, and relatable. Women such as Lena Dunham and Shonda Rhimes who are show runners, writers, and actors (not Shonda) to such quality television makes me proud as a woman, but insecure at my own abilities as a writer. Can I do more then just day dream about that Emmy? That Globe?

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Truthfully, the only way to be successful is by fear. Fear that you won’t succeed, but keep trying and fighting to will only help you push yourself to those boundaries. I don’t think great story telling can come from all Sunny Days. You have to live and feel pain too, and I was fortunate enough to experience love. Now I get the opportunity to experience living without it, and being able to be fearful, vulnerable, and alone which will only help me expand & understand my writing.

The journey of life continues, ride out the pain, and the beauty of life is even if you feel like you’re dying.. that heart keeps beating just the same. 

Embrace the ME not the We

I know there are very few ladies out there that enjoy being single. I also know plenty that are wild and happy singles, but in reality Why else would we go out? Yeah, of course we love our  lady friends and girl time, but we all still have the hopes of meeting someone interesting too. Some of us suffer from lilly padding from one serious thing to the next. Which brings me to if you’re newly single enjoy being a ME when the opportunity is there.

As someone who is a lillypad hopper… I realized after my break up I didn’t even know what I wanted because what I thought I wanted wasn’t my reality anymore. Now that I’ve been single for 6 months I can’t really imagine giving it up that easily.

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1. I REALLY love my friends.

It’s very common to ignore your friends once you meet someone new because it does take a lot of time and effort in a fresh relationship. I love hanging out with my friends and at this point I can’t split my time.

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2. You were probably more interesting until I got to know you.

Having a casual conversation and covering the bases on the surface of their life he/she might seem great. But after a month I’m going to realize you aren’t as cool and interesting as I thought you would be… It’s like when you read the back of a book and get so excited upon purchase then it has no development and sucky ending. (Don’t online date)

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3. I’m not really interested in our friends meeting.

There is always a birthday party that they are invited to and you’re the plus one. Everyone knows each other and then I come off as the anti-social bitch. Suffering from social anxiety and large groups of strangers.. I need a freaking roofie please.

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4. Not really into seeing your place.

This goes both ways. Many people that I know that find living habits the deal breaker. Mine is always roommates. I understand the cost of living is a struggle. However, you having roommates is equivalent to living at home. It feels like being 18 again tip toeing into your place. I’m a grown woman if I want to tap dance in my heels  at 3 am on your hardwoods and not worry about waking up Sally. I also trip and run into walls frequently. Not suited for a quiet environment.

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5. Work issues.

I work in a film industry my schedule isn’t super flexible so if you’re available for lunch on a Tuesday… I probably will never have time for you. Work sometimes isn’t what drives people, but for some of us it’s priority #1.

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6. I don’t want a nickname.

Seriously, don’t call me baby. Hi – I am Sarah.

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7. Need my alone time. 

I talk to myself daily. It gets weird when other people are around while you are trying to have a conversation with yourself (Mainly, I talk to myself because my thoughts are so scattered that saying it out loud makes me focus on one topic). Sometimes it’s necessary to just hang out with your best friend – Yourself! Because if you can’t be alone with you, chances are no one else is going to enjoy one on one company either.

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I don’t mean to come off bitter or bashing on relationships. My friend’s currently  in relationships/married are amazing, and I fall under the spell of being super envious. My point is to  embrace the time you have alone because we can get caught up in the idea of being in a committed relationship, and settle for something we truly do not want. No matter what your stance is on relationships – THEY ARE WORK! It’s like the stairmaster, it doesn’t matter if you are on level 1 you will break a sweat. So spend time stretching and breathing before you dive in deep.

 

Don’t sell yourself cheap… breathe, relax, and have fun! 
Patience is a virtue which most of us do not possess.

Written by: Ordinary Lady Sarah
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I have given up on being original and accepted I’m an extra dose of ordinary.
Consider myself a creator of false worlds working on the TV show Revenge in the Set Decorating Department.
There will never come a time in my life where I believe women shouldn’t be helping women.
Started blogging because being opinionated on my facebook status was getting old.

Being Insecure makes us successful

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I think we have all been coached since birth to believe in ourself, have an abundant amount of confidence. If we ever doubt ourself, Thankfully, we  have parents who reassured us we were God’s gift to earth since they produced us. Over the past 6 months I have been going through crazy changes in my life that have created a world of insecurities.

It’s hard to talk about your insecurities because I am pretty positive that people do not see our own personal battles going on. To talk about it publicly or shed light on the issues is exposing that vulnerability, and if they never noticed it before you have now put a magnify glass on it.
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The truth is I feel bad for people who have too much confidence to admit they are insecure. Insecurity is what makes us successful in life.
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 We as a society have had it all wrong believing you need to be overly confident and self assured to be successful. Wrong, being insecure always has us pushing ourselves to do better keeps us creative and hungry for more. People who think they have it all or are too confident can’t grow as a person. They lack the ability to be open minded and see outside of themselves. I don’t believe that some of the greatest artists in the world made such masterpieces because they knew they had talent, and believed what they were doing would make history. Insecurities are scary and lonely, but it builds a thick skin for life, all of those emotions and fears can be translated into something wonderful.
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So I say be a little less confident. Do something that makes you feel insecure. Be scared because going through life playing is safe is no way to be successful, and it’s not living.